Day 5 and the surgeon’s initials AG that he crafted above my left eye in permanent marker have all but dissipated. There was probably a number of ‘acceptable’ mistakes for my surgery but the wrong eye was not one of them.
Optimism. I have used that word the last couple of days and it made me wonder. I am not a pessimist but nor do I see through the window a field of rainbows and bunny rabbits - and yet I am optimistic.
First let me say. I hate cancer. I hate losing an eye. I was given two at birth. I want two. I am a visual person, long time photographer and visual learner. Yes, I will now only learn half as much or half as fast.
To address my optimism my two benchmarks for success on the surgery were waking up and the correct eye. Success. Secondly this is life changing. It is not being pessimistic about your teams chances for the playoffs or even not getting the job. A pessimistic outlook for the remainder of your days is not good or fair to anyone.
Next, I had a number of weeks to come to terms with losing my eye prior to the surgery and the tumor had already left my about 80 percent blind. As a reminder, my oncologist recommended removal over radiation. Dr Grand had asked if I had had any radiation treatment and I said no. He was glad in that meant no build up of scar tissue to cut through during the procedure. I commented that I was nearly blind anyway from the tumor. He then stated radiation to the eye is akin to placing in a microwave. If not before I knew then that removal was the way to go. I did not want an eye the way Mela likes her steak - medium well. A glass eye it is.
Finally, I had prayed and asked God, much before the results of the CT Scan, that I could see a few more sunrises. He has graced me with life and one good eye to do just that. I figured if you wake up and see the sunrise - it is your day to seize. So I remain optimistic.
So with my movie star good looks intact, I will continue to go forth on my journey of blind faith (yeah, I know) toward hope and optimism.
Should pessimism rear its ugly head comic relief abounds. I do not know if it was editorial comment or if Mela had placed undue pressure on Sam’s bladder but he chose to relieve himself on her foot as she carried him downstairs. Mind you not once in the 8 plus weeks that I have carried Sam has he done that. Just sayin’…..