What a Ride...........

Recap - I lost my left eye to ocular melanoma almost seven years ago. A routine ultrasound this past September to check if the cancer has spread unfortunately found a spot on my liver.

October 2024 was a flurry of bloodwork, so much bloodwork, MRI and CT Scans and of course a biopsy. It is cancer. Uvela Melanoma to be specfic. Treatable but not cureble - the pleasant phrase for terminal.

Early November 2024 was my first two drug immunotherapy infusion. There is no chemo or radiation or surgery since it is in my blood. The negative side effects of the treatment left me virtually blind and a rash from head to toe that I wanted to scratch with a white hot iron. Only good news is I could not see it. Lots of steroids, cortisone cream and benadryl helped restore my vision and alleviated the rash.

Thursdat December 5 Kevin, a long time friend of nearly half a century drove me to San Francisco for my second two drug in fusion, A very long day. Close to 13 hours door to door. So grateful for his driving and company. But certain in my mind he would not want a repeat. Shame on me. Getting out of his car in my driveway he said let me know when we need to do it again. I could not do this journey on my own. Grateful to so many.

The next day Mela and I headed back to San Francisco. Our daughter Gina was having her baby shower and Mela was the co-hostess. Grateful that I felt good. Saturday  morning was family photos that Gina had scheduled. The shower started at Noon and was counting my blessings that I still felt OK. Around 3 PM that all started to change. Magically that was also the conclusion of the shower. We finally left around 4 PM back to the hotel. I was miserable. Got on PJ’s and got in bed. Chills and shivering so bad I thought I would chip a tooth. Only the beginning. We drove home Sunday morning and it went straight downhill. By the way the shower was a huge success.

In the days to follow,  I had fevers, chills, no appetite and severe and chronic diarrhea. I lost over 20 pounds in 10 days. I did not have the weight to lose. My mind and body were decimated. During this time I was sleeping about 18 hours a day. The time I was awake was either on the toilet or Mela was just shy of spoon feeding me applesauce, pudding cups and gatorade. Back to steroids to calm my system down. The last ‘bad day’ was December 22.  Fortunately, we were spending Christmas with the kids in San Francisco since I had medical appointments on the 23rd and 24th.

We drove down the morning of the 23rd and I had both an MRI and CT Scan. That evening we had decided on hamburgers, fries and shakes from Super Duper. So good. Ate the whole thing. Most I had eaten in over a month. Appetite was returning. On Christmas Eve I had an appointment with my oncologist Dr Kim. Before leaving I got a saline water infusion. I felt like it gave me new life.That evening we had a delicious prime rib dinner at our in laws and a quiet but very Merry Christmas the next day.

It’s funny. God seemed to give me the holidays. We hosted Thanksgiving. My vision was about 80% better and the rash was gone. I felt pretty good. The whole family was there and it was a special day. Christmas I was no live wire but very much able to enjoy the day and grateful for family.

Here we are in 2025. January was about healing and gaining weight. Also had another infusion but went down to one of the drugs. No negative side effects. Healing, gaining weight and strength has been a very slow progression.

The last few days of January and first few days of February really started to feel a lot better. Good timing. My birthday was the 5th. Saturday February 1 Mela took me to dinner at Ella’s along with my brother in law Rick and his significant other Dympna. Monday we drove to San Francisco since I was getting an infusion on February 4th. I almost forgot. Rick drove me to SF that prior week for my MTI and CT scan. Of course we stopped at Amici’s for pizza on our way home. Kevin and I did as well.

Prior to the infusion I had an appointment with Dr Kim. My tumor on my liver has shrunk by 28%. Best birthday present ever. Also my bloodwork looked really good. Back to Monday. We had dinner with the kids at Original Joe’s. Delicious.

Wednesday February 5th.My birthday. My daughter Nicole flies up from LA to surprise me. So blessed. We all went to dinner at Zocalos along with Kevin and his wife Val. A great evening.

Here’s to 2025!!!

Stay strong, be Humble, be Kind and God Bless

All I Want for Christmas..............

Can’t help but think of the tag line for Toyota - A December to Remember.

Monday, December 2 I saw my ocular oncologist. My vision has significantly improved. He gave me a shot in the eye. A localized steroid. I had been on a healthy dose of prednisone to calm my body from the immunotherapy and to let my eye hopefully heal which it did. The shot will stay with the eye and not interfere with the immunotherapy infusion for my cancer.

Moving on, Thursday Decemer 5 I receive my 2nd immunotherapy infusion, Thursday December 12 back to the ocular onocologist to see how my vision is doing, Wednesday, December 18 I get my MRI to see what the cancer is doing, and round out December on Christmas Eve with my 3rd immunotherapy infusion.

So here we are. My list - my prayer really. I would like a clear MRI and not be blind.

Be Kind, Be Humble, Stay Strong & God Bless!

2024 Thanksgiving is in the Books.............

My heart (and stomach) are full. A glorious day. What do you do on Thanksgiving  morning? You could  of course  watch a parade but how pedestrian - when there is a rock to be painted.

Well someone painted the rock. My daughter, son in law and grandaugther (names witheld) have been declared “persons of interest” but the investigation has gone cold.(See only known photo of the taggers).

The Unknown Taggers

It was for a good - actually great cause. Next year we will need a high chair around the Thanksgiving table. Gina and Steven are expecting their first baby in middle February. I am hoping for an early delivery and a birthday twin.

The family, food, conversation, laughter, fun and barking dogs were music to these tone deaf ears. The turkey and all the sides were delicious - and grateful that everyone involved  was a huge help. I even contributed with my world famous cranberry sauce. I love the stuff.

In between consuming copious amounts of appetizers, dinner and dessert, the outdoor games included corn hole as well as axe and ninja star throwing. My grandaughter is scary good. Not sure about that…….

Now all is quiet. The alleged taggers arrived on Tuesday afternoon and left over the weekend. So crazy good to seen them. Literally - my vision has improved significantly. But will see them all again at the upcoming baby shower.

I would be lying if I said it was easy but so much to be thankful for.

Be Kind, Be Humble, Stay Strong and God Bless!

Best Laid Plans...........

First, as I have said before this is my cheap therapy and my story but never wanted it to be about me, per se. But my naive hope is it is something relatable in this fun, joyous, ugly, messy thing we call life. Frankly, I do not really edit it much (Yeah Nick we can tell). Writing it is almost an exorcism for me. Let’s get started.

The week of November 10 was suppose to be a good week. I had concluded the chaos of biopsies, MRIs,CT scans, countless bloodwork, returned from a nice vacation in Mexico and had my first infusion on November 7. Lastly, Monday the 11 or maybe it was the 4th was my first day post hernia surgery to return to normal activity. I envisioned more exercise, golf, helping Mela again with real estate, work on photography etc,

The week proved to be the antithesis of  my plans,  Sunday woke up to a horrfic cold. I know who cares? The  cold was only a prelude of what was to come. Monday morning - virtually blind and Tuesday a rash from head to toe or as I like to affetionately say from - Ankles to a$$hole & nuts to nipples. Too much? You have to admit it does paint a picture.

The eye damage and rash stemmed from my immunotherapy drugs for my cancer. (With steroids my vision is returning). My bad analogy - The drugs are intended to race thru my system at 4000 RPMs attacking the cancer. They went thru my system redlining at over 7000 RPMs attacking the cancer and crashing into everything creating the negative side effects.

Thursday was an up and back to SF to see my oncologist for follow up.He said my rash was one of the worst he has seen. Yeah!

Time for Mela to drive home. My vision was that of consuming a bottle of Jack Daniels with mental clarity of 5 years sober. Horrible combination. We stopped at Amici’s Pizza in Vacaville for dinner. So Yummy! You would have thought we were two wolves that had not had a kill in weeks.

Friday was a visit to my opthamolgist. Left with no real answers. No fault of theirs. Woke up Monday the 18th with ever so slightly improved vision. So grateful.

Getting caught up. Thurday Novemver 21 an emergency appointment  with my ocular oncologist Dr Tony Tsai. I can not say enough how grateful I am for my team of doctors and their staff. After a lot of imagery of my eye and $20 words and consultation with my Dr Kim, my SF oncologist I left with a prescription for steroids to calm my system to help with my vision. Same drug as the one for my dear poodle Lila, Dr Tsai office is technically closed  on Monday but have an appointment to see him at 2:30pm. So immensely grateful. If I had gone ahead with my scheduled infusion on the 26th without my eye check I may have had irreperable eye damage leading to blindness. The 26th had been posponed for about a week.

So here we are.Looking forward to Thanksgiving with some of our kids, granddaughter,dogs and general family chaos, Nothing better.

Wishing the Happiest of Thanksgiving to all of you. We all have so much to be grateful for.

Be Kind, Be Humble, Stay Strong and God Bless!

No Small Acts of Kindness..................

I am way ahead of myself relative to the last few weeks but this is important - at least I think so. First I am grateful for 30 font. This is my first attempt at typing since the vision thing. Oh, also grateful for that high school typing class and remembering how. Sorry no photos, That stupid almost blind thing.

I had an emergency appointment with my ocular oncologist on Thursday November 21 regarding my vision. After the appointment I had to get bloodwork done ASAP for my follow up with the Dr. on Monday. I called 3 different Quest labs on our way home. No appointments available until Wednesday. I would have to do walk in which is awful at Quest.

Mela dropped me off just before 4pm. Only one other customer - an angel really waiting.I thought piece of cake, Between the gel on my eye from the ultrasound and being dilated I could not seen anything and I humbly asked for help checking in on the touchscreen. No sense of annoyance or skepticism he just helped. So grateful. But now for the rest of the story. Who is old enough to remember that?

I will only allow a sentence or two of how thoughtless and insensitive the lab tech was to give context to my angel. She came to the front area ranting she could not do any more walk ins. I tried to explain my situation for the need of emergency bloodwork for my cancer treatment and had tried to call for an appointment, She could not care less. In her possible defense she was carrying on about can’t do ovetime and getting in trouble with her boss.So I am not sure if it was all on her or management is so bad employees are too scared to do the right thing. Sorry too long.

In short she said she could only take one of us.I do not know how long the young man had been waiting but he said without hesitation - Take him. I was stunned but muttered a thank you and with a fist bump he was gone. I do not know who he was and never wil. But perhaps that is the beauty of it…………

Be Kind, Be Humble, Stay Strong, God Bless!

The Eyerony of it all.................

About 6 1/2 years ago, I was diagnosed with ocular melanoma and had my left eye removed along with a cancerous tumor attached to it. The cancer has come back and is in my liver, and ironically, the very drugs intended to stabilize, if not kill the cancer are impacting my vision in my remaining eye.

First Treatment in the Books,,,,,,,,,

Before I begin. My musings are I suppose first and foremost  very affordable therapy but I hope you find something in them. I attempt to make them about family, friends, faith, fight, food, friends, fun and in being consistent f@#kcancer.

First I confess. I lied. Thursday November 7, the day of my first cancer treatment I went back to Johnny’s Doughnuts. Vanilla glazed old fashioned and a capuccino. No regrets. No apologies. But let me explain. Mela and I got back from vacation at around 9pm Wednesday evening but midnight body clock time (with time difference) and were up at 3:15am to head to SF for bloodwork, EKG, oncology appointment, two infusions and another EKG.

How did we get there? Almost two months ago we booked a vacation at an all inclusive resort in Playa Del Carmen. Spent too much time on whether or not we should get travel insurance. I said forget it- what could possibly  come up? Duh! Cancer! Two weeks before the trip was a whirlwind of biopsies, MRIs CT Scans, countless bloodwork (you would have thought I was a heroin addict looking at my arm). We were able to go on vacation and my treatment would start November 7 or 8. (Turns out it had to be the 7  since that was day 28 from my day of consent. I am in a clinical trial. Essentially a lab rat. I hear you - we have known that for years Nick.) It was a relaxing and much needed vacation before beginning the remainder of my journey.

Enjoying the Beach

During our time away we received  a text that my appointment would be at 8:30am on November 7. We thougth that is early but OK. To speed this up a bit - we received another text that I needed blood work first and had to be there at 7:00 am. Wednesday November 6 we were able to have one last wonderful breakfast on the rooftop garden - but lunch consisted of a bag of Wheatchex from the airport and 3 pieces of raisin toast when we got home. Then to SF before dawn. If you are still reading - that is why I had my doughnut.

My airline reading book is an easy read by James Patterson - Circle of Death. Maybe not the best choice to read during my infusion. I take that back. It is a superhero thriller of good vs evil.

Book of Choice?

My superheroes are the janitors, receptionists, security guards, nurses, doctors, lab technicians and others that have been so kind every single time I have walked through  those hospital and medical office doors. And of course  the millions like me - that wake up every day and do their damnedest to hold their head hight fight the evil within and be a living testament to the joy life holds to those around them.

First Treatment

Then of couse there has to be a villain. He simply goes by M. AKA metastatic  melanoma. My heroes have developed a concoction in their lab that will seek to stabilize and destory M. But it appears it may be a life long journey. I will receive an infusion every three weeks for the rest of my life along with countless bloodwork and MRI to be certain it has not spread.

In addition to the aforementioned doughnut we had time for lunch. I am a creature of habit and it had been a long couple of days so did not want any surprises. A lobster roll and clam chowder it was. Did not disappoint.

Clam Chowder, Lobster Rolls and Artichoke Bread and Support of my bride, Mela

In closing I am glad to say the drugs have not had any of their potential side affects as of Friday morning such as vomiting, headaches. joint aches, nausea, diarrhea, blurred vision (hopefully only impacting my left eye) etc etc.

While the last month has been a little crazy I am so grateful for the care and will be on a slightly more structured schedule  moving forward. Stay tuned….

God Bless, Stay Strong, Be Humble, Be Kind!

Filmore Street Eats

We left Dr Kims’s office on Tuesday 22nd to see him again on Thursday 24th at 2:30 pm and receive my first cancer treatment. (Did you really think I would jump straight  to the food?) We might have stayed over another night with the kids but we had tickets to see ELO at the Golden One Center  Wednesday night. Great Concert. We splurged for floor seats. Well worth it.

Great Time at the ELO Concert

I foolishly thought we can still get a decent night’s sleep before our trip back to the city. I received a mid-afternoon call from Alya, my ‘cancer concierge’. She is highly educated and one of the kindest, most patient people I have ever met. Not sure of her official title but oh so grateful for her. The point is I had to get yet more lab work done prior to my cancer treatment so we headed out early Thursday morning. Nothing quite like Dr appointments the day after attending a rock concert to make you feel old.

11:30am and lab work is done. Time for lunch and for Mela to wander thru the countless shops while I wait outside in the sun with hat in hand. One more thing before all that great food.  Mela and I went to see Dr. Kim for my 2:30 appointment. He described the medication and process for the infusion treatment but insurance said I was out of network. Gut Punch. We went home with head hung low  and figured in the next week or so I would hear from any attempt at appeal. I will speed this  up a bit. I got a call Friday afternoon. I will be covered. Tears of joy!

OK. Finally food. The medical center where I see my oncologist  is at Webster and Clay. One block from Filmore St. A mini-mecca of food and shopping. Our first lunch after appointments on Tuesday was the Taco Bar, Johnny’s Donuts and Salt & Straw Ice Cream.

My bride, Mela, at the Taco Bar

The Taco Bar is a quite casual establishment. You order your food at the counter and they bring it to your table. I ordered one steak taco, one grilled shrimp taco and Mela ordered one grilled shrimp taco as well and one fried fish taco - and we shared a side of guacamole  and chips. All Delicious. The steak, fish and shrimp were all seasoned nicely and perfectly cooked. The tacos were street style tacos and generously filled. We both love guacamole and thought theirs was excellent.

Just Before Entering Donut Bliss

Johnny’s Donuts - I honestly never eat donuts from your normal donuts shop. Probably at least a decade. It’s not that I don’t like the idea of a glazed old fashioned but they don’t like me.  Johnny’s is another whole level. They are so good but a tad expensive for a donut. So worth it. Mela and I each got one but she saved hers for the drive home.

This is actually a kid’s cone!

As if that is not enough. Time for ice cream. In my defense - I did have to fast and had no breakfast. Salt and Straw Ice Cream. I got the chocolate  gooey brownie. The flavor, the creaminess. Ice cream nirvana.That said - not sure I am an over all fan. They only have maybe 12 flavors - which is fine. But half of them are really weird. Like pear and blue cheese or olive oil  and basil. Not my cup of tea. We did go back on Thursday and after trying two other flavors I went back to the chocolate.

This will conclude a modest attempt at reviewing sweet treats in that I will be eliminating sugar and alcohol for at least 3 months of my treatment so they can get a good sense of it working. Apparently very moderate alcohol is Ok after that.

Lobster Roll. Soooooo Good

But I can eat more lobster rolls. The Woodhouse Fish Co. Yummy. I ordered a cup of the clam chowder, warm lobster roll with butter and an Arnold Palmer. Mela ordered the fennel salad and the cold lobster roll with mayo and celery. All so good. Well I have to assume Mela liked her roll since I never got a bite. The lobster was served on a perfectly toasted classic lobster roll bun. That will not  be my last lobster roll but might have to try the crab cakes next time - or maybe both

Gob Bless, Stay Strong, Be Humble!

Not One Ocologist, But Two

To recap:

I lost my left eye to ocular melanoma just over six years ago. It is a metastatic cancer. It likes the liver and the lungs if it returns. To date, the only real side affect for the last six years had been a terrible case of drivers tourettes syndrome.

Anyway,  during the first four years I got two MRI’s, bloodwork and a chest X-Ray. Year five, my oncolgist, Dr. Tony Tsai, felt that we could bring it down to one ultrasound. So far, so good. Year six ultrasound. Not so good. There is a lesion on my liver. It is metastatic cancer of the liver.

Current Affairs - Dr. Tony Tsai referred me to another oncologist. Dr Kevin Kim, perhaps the best oncologist  in the country for this type of cancer. As a side note but critically important. I think oncologists can easily be categorized  as direct and clinical. Which is in part true. But there is not a soft way to say - You have cancer. In my limited experiecne (I wish I had none) I find them to be some of the most passionate and compassionate medical professionals in the field. They are with you for the long haul - and we don’t all make it.

The last few weeks have been something else.

Mela and I drove to San Francisco on Sunday the 13th and stayed with our kids  for an early morning liver biopsy on the 14th. Medical tidbit. While you are only sedated for the biopsy and I felt fine - you need to stay for four hours of bedrest becasue it may bleed. Very long day. Followed by a up and back to San Francisco on Friday the 18th for lab work.

Monday the 21st,  We drove back to San Francisco for an early morning MRI and CT scan on Tuesday - and a 2 PM with my oncologist.  Between the CT scan and the 2 PM we ate our way up and down Fillmore Street at the Taco Bar, Johnny’s Donuts and Salt and Straw for ice cream. The Filmore St. Eats Blog is coming. Wait to read about the Lobster Rolls. Catchier title than Lunch amidst oncologq visits.

Dr. Kim had the MRI and CT scan results for our appointment and the cancer has not spread anywhere which is great news! The lesion - the size of my pinky nail - has not grown at all in the last six weeks. More good news! I take what I can get.

Again,  we are very grateful we have perhaps the top oncologist in the country two hours from our home and kids have a beautiful home in San Francisco where we can stay that is only 10 minutes from the hospital.

Gratitude and perspective change in the blink of an eye. Mela and I have a vacation next week and will start treatment after that. Very grateful for my loving wife, Mela, my Life Group and all the friends, family and prayers in the last few weeks.

God Bless, Stay Strong, Be Kind

Jesus Take the Wheel

Four trips to DMV and two trips to my ophthamologist to finally renew my license and get the Real ID. Wait, first things first. It has been 6 year cancer free. Well almost. The time of my diagnosis is around Mela’s birthday and the Masters so I am getting a jump on things.

What is it about a government employee with a clipboard getting in the car with you to determin your freedom that turns a 60 something into a quivering 5 year old with his hand in the cookie jar?

Four years ago when I had to renew my license, I had had the surgery to remove my eye and the cancerous tumor that decided to attach itself to the eye. I was able to renew by mail and chose to do so.

Fast forward four years and I had to go to DMV in order to renew. I figured I may as well get the Real ID. I essentially did it online. Easy enough. That is where easy ended. Then four trips to DMV and 2 to the opthamologist. I won’t bore you with the details.

The fourth and final trip to DMV was for my vision driving test. Prior to the date found myself listening to Carrie Underwoods Co.untry Music station on Sirius XM and for the first time heard her song - Jesus Take the Wheel. The title seemed a rather apt metaphor for my upcoming test if not my life.

That Janary 4, I had scheduled the test for 8:45 am. Kids would be in school, most commute traffic would be done and that afternoon winter sun would not be blinding me (no pun intended). I went to Window 15 and tried to resurrect some of my lobbying skills as I chatted with the DMV employee. Seemed like a nice guy. He said it would probably be him but someone would be out and I should wait by my car.

About fifteen minutes later he came out. Thank goodness. A modest rapport had been developed. Time for the vision driving test. The difference between the regualr driving test and regular driving test. First, only some DMV employees do the vision driving test. Maybe they get hazard pay for driving with  the blind. Anyway, the driving course is about twice as long and the judge if you can see and second part is basic driving skills.I PASSED.

Over the last six years I had been getting two MRIs a year to see if the cancer came back. It typically goes to the liver and lungs and there is no statistical survival rate. Glad to be here.

Years 4 and 5 are apparently the high odd years for it returning. I remember asking my oncologist if it continues to get worse - ie years 6,7 8 etc. He said Nick, if you wake up - enjoy the day! I can not I have always done that but not bad advice regardless of your circumstantces.

Be kind, Be Strong, Be Humble & God Bless!