Nothing new. Millions before me and millions to follow. The loss of a parent. It is hard and it hurts. So deeply. My dad passed a little over 12 years ago. I miss him every day. But this past Monday, May 1, my mom passed away peacefully at the age of 90. As many know, the sense of loss and grief is palpable. But for me there was also - the stark realization that you are now “that generation”…………. Once again I get ahead of myself.
Three Generations: Mom, Nicole, Niko
The morning of Sunday, April 30, my mom did not answer the phone or call back my sister, Suzanne or I. We decided to meet at mom’s house. About a half hour drive or so for each of us. I arrived first. I called Suzanne. Only a few minutes out so I waited - being the chicken that I am. We found mom sitting on the edge of her bed with walker in hand. After talking briefly we called the paramedics.
The next five hours were in the ER while they conducted numerous tests on our mom. Finally admitted to a hospital room we spent the next hour or two (it becomes such a blur) until she was settled and the nurses had the information they needed.
In the early AM, Suzanne received a call from the Dr that things did not look good and mom was placed on comforrt care. I started to let close friends and family know. I called my daughter Nicole and let her know. Through our respective tears she said she was on her way. I said it was not necessary but there was no deterring her. She lives in LA. For once I am glad she did not listen to dad.
I prayed she would get time with Grammy. Nicole, her husband Dwight, their 6 year old daughter, Niko and their puppy Benny arrived at the hospital at 6 PM. I met them in the lobby. The hospital has a ‘No children under 12 allowed policy’. My long ago lobbying skills were not lost. Me, Nicole and Niko went to see Grammy. Dwight stayed with the puppy. After a few minutes I went down and relieved Dwight so he could see my Mom and Mela arrived. We went back up.
Nicole has the heart and touch of an angel. By profession she is a cosmetologist. She dampened a clean wash cloth and ever so gently washed mom’s face. (Tears as I write this) She then applied vaseline to her eyed lids and lips with such a soft touch. And then sat quitely with Grammy while holding her hand.
Mom passed away Monday, May 1 at about 7:30 PM with the SF Giants game on and Nicole by her side. 90 precious minutes together .
Tuesday morning the smell of bacon and eggs filled the house as Dwight kindly fixed breakfast while Niko ran about and Lila and Benny played and barked. Never have I been so grateful for the chaos of family.
Mid-afternoon our other daughter Gina and husband, Steven arrived from SF with ingredients for margaritas at Nicole’s request. Mela arrived home and Nicole made margaritas while dinner was prepared.Red wine, lasagna, french bread, salad, toasts to Grammy, laughter and barking dogs rounded out our dinner. My gratitude is immeasurable.
Wednesday the kids took their time but had to be on their way back to LA. I was left to my own devices that afternoon - never a good thing. So grateful for life group that evening - and for all the calls, texts and emails i received over the last few days.
She was a good mom. As a friend of nearly 50 years so eloquently told me she was good mom if for no other reason than putting up with your “sorry ass” for 63 years. I miss you and love you mom.
Be Kind, Be Humble, Be Strong. God Bless!
